Friend

In real life, a friend is someone you can count on, for better or worse. You go on holiday together, break out the champagne on their birthday, and share each other’s hopes and fears. When things go wrong, you answer the call for help and go to your friend’s aid. You needn’t worry, though, your 300 or so friends on Facebook aren’t going to expect you to share their evenings out, or weekends or holidays, or go to the movies together. No, you see each other online, and there’s the subtle difference. They don’t want to be actually invited to your birthday drinks – they’ll be happy to post a message on your wall and send you a virtual bottle of bubbly, via the Gift application on Facebook. Where, by the way, it is now possible to send real presents to your friends, but unfortunately it involves using a real credit card. So your Facebook friends don’t for an instant expect you to cancel your cruise if they’re ill, break into your piggybank if they get dooced by their employer, or babysit while they go to a conference in Tokyo. When a friend on Facebook is having a hard time, just send them a video clip to cheer them up. When they send you back a LOL, or FOMCL, you’ll know they liked it.

You can see how easy it is to pick this up, and to make friends on Facebook, but you shouldn’t harbour any illusions. If your investment is low, the return will be too. Forget your Facebook friends if you have a real problem. Now and then, of course, you’ll hear of a Facebook friend who’s been promoted to "true friend IRL (in real life)". It’s the exception that proves the rule. But, after all, why deprive yourself of the pleasure? A new friend is a treasure, and it doesn’t much matter in the end if you met them on the beach, at the gym or on Facebook!